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We are all unique … but there are adoption commonalities.
Illusion:
That any journey of adoption research, search or reunion is a one-off event. Truth:
Adoption is not a one-off event. The impact, like a wheel, rolls along for a lifetime. Illusion:
The most important thing is to follow the paper trail and you’ll find what you’re looking for. Truth:
While the paper trail or external journey is the first part of any search process, one of the more noticeable and longer parts of any search or reunion journey is the emotional or internal journey. Illusion:
Just get on with your life …You don’t need to know anything about your birthparents or relinquished child. Truth:
It is perfectly understandable and normal for anyone affected by adoption to want to know more about their birth family members. It has nothing to do with criticism or disloyalty; it merely shows that they have the same curiosity about family history as the general community.
Many have told us that they find it very difficult to talk about their adoption experience, even with those closest to them, yet they have gained great support and felt safe and comfortable to talk openly with all Jigsaw people right from their very first contact with our organisation.
At Jigsaw we understand that all too often adoption is a tricky subject to talk about in everyday life. It often helps to talk to an outsider and how much better if that source of information, support and help comes from the member of an informed and trained team of helpers.
Jigsaw Queensland’s helpers have all been touched by adoption themselves and keep up-to-date on adoption issues … for the benefit of Jigsaw members and enquirers. They also attend regular professional supervision as a team with a trained clinician.
You can’t have one without the other.
The external journey and paper trail … What do I need to do to start looking?
For adoptions that took place in Queensland the legal part of your search is straightforward and details of how to go about that can be found in Search & Reunion.
The internal journey … the emotions … Why do I feel this way?
Make the choice to keep talking it out. Pick up the phone, write an email or letter to us or maybe it’s possible for you to attend one of our regular Support Group meetings. As you can imagine, it’s very beneficial to talk to others in the same boat as you … the affected by adoption boat that is.
We’re for everyone …
It’s often with apprehension and shakiness that initial conversations with Jigsaw begin. People often think about phoning or emailing or attending groups for many years before they actually take action and yet the most consistent feedback confirms the simple fact that it does help to talk to someone who truly understands – because they too have been touched by adoption. Here are a few examples of the most commonly asked first questions. |
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| Some Examples: |
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Late Discovery: |
I’ve just found out that I was adopted. It turns out everyone else knew except me! I don’t know why I’m phoning you, I just feel so confused. |
Before starting: |
I’m not sure whether I’ll ever search but I’d like to talk to someone about adoption. |
How to search: |
I’ve just had a baby and now I can’t stop worrying about my medical history. Nobody seems to understand why I just can’t get on with my life, but I feel very stuck right now. I’m ready now. What do I need to do? How do I get started? |
Objection / Veto: |
I’ve just received my information from the government and there’s an objection to information and contact in place. What a mess … what can I do? Rejected again! I’m so angry! I’ve just put an objection in place. My life is overwhelming now, I don’t want to have more problems in my life … but I can’t stop thinking about it. |
Adoptive parents: |
My daughter is so sad and I don’t seem to be able to help her … why can’t I? |
Adoptees: |
I can’t stand the waiting. I put in my papers for information and now I feel so emotional. |
Birthmother: |
I promised myself I would never interfere, but I feel my time is running out. I am trying so hard to be patient and considerate, how long do I need to wait for my son to be ready for a long term relationship? I’ve never told my children. I’m a mess. I want to meet my daughter but I don’t know how to face the shame with my children who know nothing of this part of my life? |
Birthfather: |
How can I start to find my child? |
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Siblings: |
I’ve just heard that I have another sister and I want to find her. |
Partners/ Family/Friends: |
Can’t everyone just be friends and let us all get on with our lives? |
Preparing for Reunion: |
I’ve just found my mother’s contact details. What now? |
During Reunion: |
How come my mother doesn’t respond when I write to her? |
Down the track: |
Things seem to have gone well for me, but I want to know more about me now. |
Five of the most powerful words you’ll ever use … “ Can you help me please? “
All statements made within this page with regard to legislation and adoption rights are in regard to Queensland, Australia State Adoption Legislation only
