Frequently Asked Questions

• I was adopted. How do I get a copy of my original birth certificate?
• I’ve just discovered by accident that I was adopted. I need to talk to someone.
• I’ve met my mother and that was traumatic enough but now I’ve met the rest of her family – and mine. Now I just feel as if I’m some kind of “new toy”. Is this normal?
• My friend was adopted and I’d like to get going with searching for her. How do I do that?
• I gave up a child for adoption when I was very young and I’ve decided that I want to find him.
  How do I do that?

I was adopted. How do I get a copy of my original birth certificate?

Visit Search & Reunion to gather a little background. There you will find the contact details for the Department of Child Safety. All adoptees have two birth certificates, and you will be able to access your Original Birth Certificate, provided no objection to information (veto) is in place.

Your original birth certificate will be marked ‘Not to be used for official purposes’ and will contain your birth mother’s details at the time of your birth. It may also provide the name you were given at birth. Adoptees sometimes find that this can bring up many conflicting emotions for them. It is rare to find birth father details on this certificate unless he gave his consent at the time.  In the past, it was  generally believed that it was the sole responsibility of the birthing mother to make the decision to adopt their child  and to sign the Adoption Consent Form. Birth fathers were often counseled by family and professionals to not be involved.

Since 1991, it is also possible for your birth mother to request a copy of your Amended Birth Certificate – the one that was issued at the time of your adoption. It contains your adoptive parents’ names and details in the place of mother and father. This certificate is only one recognized legally. top

I’ve just discovered by accident that I was adopted. I need to talk to someone.

Visit Archived Newsletters and select the July 2005 edition that features an article called “Why wasn’t I told”.

Jigsaw receives repeated confirmation of the value of the Adoptee Only Support Group meetings from those who are in shock and often at various times amazed, angry or confused from being told, after a lifetime of not knowing, that they were adopted.

It would be wonderful to say that instances of late discovery are disappearing but that appears not to be the case. So many tell us that they sensed something was not quite right in their relationship with their parents and so they had mostly blamed themselves. The shock is generally followed by anger and sadness as the reality of being adopted sinks in. “Why didn’t anyone trust me enough with this information. What were they all worried about”. The word ‘betrayal’ is often uttered in an attempt to convey the depth of emotion being experienced. At other times, adoptees report that they just don’t know what to think. This is new territory for them, and they don’t have any maps!

Remember to be patient with yourself. This is not an easy issue to manage or cope with but it is possible … with a little help from your friends at a post-adoption organization like Jigsaw.top

I’ve met my mother and that was traumatic enough but now I’ve met the rest of her family – and mine. Now I just feel as if I’m some kind of “new toy”. Is this normal?

Building long-lasting relationships generally requires moving at the pace of the slowest person. It’s very common for adoptees to be the ones who call for the pace to slow. Respect for others and common-sense good manners are always necessary. It’s important that you find a way to communicate, as best you can, how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking, that will work best for you. Of course, you should allow time and space for your new relatives to do the same. Leaving others guessing or just disappearing again is not the best course to take, even if the sense of being overwhelmed may seem too great to bear right now.

There are well-documented and well-known stages in any search journey: integration, obsession, limbo, and resolution (not that resolution and reunion are the same thing). Reunion might not bring answers to all your questions. Some things we will never know, and some issues that until now appeared to be adoption-related will now have to be separated out and dealt with in other ways. Nevertheless, these steps will now be rooted in the truth.

We’re always available to listen and explore what might work best for you.top

My friend was adopted and I’d like to get going with searching for her. How do I do that?

We are often approached by partners, adoptive parents and friends of those who have been affected by adoption. Their heart is definitely in the right place, but from our extensive experience at Jigsaw we have come to believe that it is more beneficial if the person directly affected undertakes the whole process of searching for themselves. The experience of adoption can be so disempowering in so many ways that regaining control over one’s own search can be both an empowering and healing moment.

That’s not to say that we don’t listen, engage and talk about adoption issues with everyone affected by adoption, for we do. We just leave a very clear message about the value of supporting a person in their own search. Quite often we have received a call soon after from the adoptee or birthmother themselves. Perhaps they just needed that other person’s energy to help them pick up the phone themselves.top

I gave up a child for adoption when I was very young and I’ve decided that I want to find him.

How do I do that?

Information about how to apply for a child’s Amended Birth Certificate (one that contains the name they have since their adoption and also details of the adoptive parent’s names and address as the time) is easily passed on – see Search & Reunion.  

It’s common for there to be not much thinking past this initial question, but of course you’ll find Jigsaw helpers willing to listen carefully as you share what’s on your mind, and we are also there for you to share  your thoughts and ideas about what’s next for you. You will have thought a lot about this decision before making it. This may be the first time, however, that you have shared your thoughts with others. Sometimes we don’t know what we really think until we speak it out loud.

Time alone does not heal anything, it’s what you do in that time that makes all the difference … and there’s plenty of waiting time around adoption. Using that time to become more informed about adoption is one constructive thing to do. Jigsaw members have access to our small library of books, DVDs and articles which cover adoption issues.top

 

All statements made within this page with regard to legislation and adoption rights are in regard to Queensland, Australia State Adoption Legislation only